I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
