i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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