Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
