Small penises have feelings too.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We had to coat check the pizza.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
