I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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