do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
