I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
