i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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