Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
