Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
