Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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