Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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