there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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