he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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