yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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