whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
