Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
