DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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