she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
