I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
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