I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A bitchslap is in order.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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