Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
