Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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