Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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