i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
