they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
