genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just want to make out with him forever
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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