I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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