so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
