nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
