New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
