I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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