How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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