I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
