I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
