i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
