She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
