You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
