Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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