Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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