i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
