sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
