I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
