I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
