Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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