he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
