I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Houston, we have a blender
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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