The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
