I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
