my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
