I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
