I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
