oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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