the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
