Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
