We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
