Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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