C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
