nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
