I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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