Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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