I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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