GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
